It's real coal
Independently examined. No diamonds were found. No diamonds are coming.
Is it coal?
Submit anything — your mixtape, his opinion, that outfit, the second season. Our lab runs a rigorous analysis and returns an honest verdict.
CERTIFIED COAL
4.9★ (the .9 is coal too)
Played my beat for the boys. Nobody said anything. Somebody just sent me this link. No notes.
I asked my group chat for honest feedback. This was the feedback. The whole feedback.
Bought it as a gift. He knew exactly what I meant. We don't speak now. Worth it.
Diamonds are made from coal, so technically I'm holding potential. Copium: also coal.
Showed my landlord. He raised the rent anyway but at least he respected the honesty.
Finally a website that describes my ex's cooking with scientific precision.
What is it good for
We researched this thoroughly so you wouldn't have to be disappointed alone.
Honest feedback
Hand it over instead of finishing the sentence. It communicates everything.
Naughty list evidence
Legally admissible. Santa-grade. December's favorite delivery.
A humbling paperweight
Holds down documents and egos with equal force.
Motivation
Look at it. Vow to never make anything like it. Repeat.
Acquire the coal
Ownership is symbolic. The coal stays here. You leave changed, and lightly sooty.